Let’s Talk about “He cheated on me” – Who’s to Blame? Me, Him or Her?

Some of you might have read this and thought to yourself…

"Why would you even think I'm to blame?"

Well… It’s not impossible that a woman is to blame for her Boyfriend (or Husband) cheating on her – but seeing as I have never been married I would not talk about anything that has to do with a couple bound by law and/or under God’s blessing; We’ll focus on couples that are just dating or courting as some may refer to it.

Cheating

My close friends and family would know I am an avid lover of Nollywood and I watch a lot of their movies. A lot of them have the ‘Guy cheats on girl‘, ‘Girl cheats on guy’ storyline and maybe it has influenced my thoughts – but I like to think that the messages they portray in these movies are sometimes based on real life stories or the experience of someone somewhere. So yes, who is to blame when a guy cheats on a girl – or vice versa?

Personally I feel cheating comes in all shapes, sizes and forms and I may be wrong – but this is my opinion and you have every right to agree or disagree. I have been asked a few times by friends what I would do if my boyfriend cheated on me – They know my answer – but I always start by saying cheating is in various forms. Once again I state that

“Everyone has a reason behind their action”

… but no one should say to anyone “The devil pushed me…” because he won’t ‘push‘ you if you didn’t let him stay close to you!

When a person cheats I feel it’s because of one of the following reasons

  • They are falling out of ‘love’ with you
  • Insecurity
  • Lust
  • You never meant anything to them in the first place
  • Lack of ‘love’ and attention from you

… the list goes on but I like to think these are the main reasons. Now based on any of the above reasons, we can start to point fingers and say who is to blame. It would take a whole book to start explaining why XYZ is to blame for each of the reasons mentioned above but I really want to touch on one aspect in particular.

Why do women – especially – blame the other girl for their man’s infidelity? I can understand if the girl in question was someone you know, your friend, your sister – yes sister, your cousin, colleague or just someone who knew you were dating this guy. What I DON’T understand is why some innocent women are being blamed for a man’s infidelity.

I tried to think about what and how I would feel if I was seeing a guy only to find out later on that he had another girlfriend before I came into the picture – or was married. What would I do? Would it be fair on me if his girlfriend – or wife, came ‘bashing‘ me and blaming me for his actions? I mean… I am innocent! I ‘loved’ this man based on what he showed me. I ‘loved’ him based on the man I knew. He gave me no reason to question his behaviour and because I decided to trust him I didn’t bother to further investigate – he hadn’t proposed or anything or should my investigations begin from the very first day he says hi? If you just said yes in your head then you are not being true to yourself because who does that? No one! Unless you are super paranoid.

Next thing –  If a man manages to deceive me so well to the point that I have no clue he is seeing someone else or has another woman in his life, then that guy is SICK!. How can a human being live two lives with the single life God blessed them with? It’s not normal! There is actually a name for people who have dual personalities and it is a disorder. It is called multiple personality disorder and with all due respect to anyone who may be facing this in their life, it is something that must be checked and you need some help – I say this in the most respectful and sympathetic way possible. It is not the norm for a person to live two different lives. So if you are such a guy (or girl) please get some help and get well soon!

So far the guy seems to be the person to blame yes? But if a guy doesn’t have a disorder, if he is not a player and he decides to see another innocent woman… Then… Are you the cause? Are you the reason for his infidelity? Is it possible for a woman to push her man to cheat?  Yes!!! It is very possible. It doesn’t justify it though, but when he does access yourself too. Personally I am tired of women always saying

“He shouldn’t have, even if I pushed him to it”

Girl!!! Men are humans beings too you know. If you have been a perfect… Note what I said – Perfect then I will support you 1000000000% – But no one is perfect and no one can be perfect so it all boils down to COMMUNICATION and making sure you both understand yourselves and no one is pushing anyone into anything. Even if you have been good, he may have just fallen out of love with you, maybe he isn’t interested in the relationship (and guys please don’t waste my sisters time – just tell her. She may cry but it is better than wasting our time. Just as guys hate the ‘hard to get game’ so do women hate the ‘time wasting game’)… Anyways – Lack of communication is probably the most common reason for cheating. You and your partner need to talk about everything. If you notice something different ASK! He may be going through something. If you cannot open your mouth to ask because you are scared, Oh girl… You need help o… But still – What’s the worst that could happen? I mean, if he hits you REPORT TO THE POLICE. There is really no reason to be scared.

Sometimes, we girls also tend to neglect the obvious signs – I will not lie, I have been there too. Everyone else is seeing what is wrong, only you. What is even wrong with our brains? It just refuses to accept certain facts because of the fear of heart-break; but it is needed hunny. You need to accept it and move on – better to cry now than to cry forever.

Another problem with some ladies is that we generally tend to think we are being perfect! Being perfect girlfriends and can’t seem to understand why he cheated. Ermm, are you sure or you just think you have been perfect?

There is a massive difference between how well a person is doing and how well you are actually doing. Have you ever taken a test/exam or gone for a job interview feeling so confident that you did so well, you ‘smashed it‘ and then you get the results and you failed woefully. Yep! That’s the difference. Again – COMMUNICATION– This thing is lacking a lot especially in Africa and we need our men especially to stop feeling too important and big-headed to be spoken to. Women also need to learn to calm down and find the sense in the ‘non-sense’ you think he is saying. Men, that a woman asks you a question, for example about your whereabouts, doesn’t mean she doesn’t trust you – we just like to ask – talking is our hobby… Okay?!!. I am tired of talking about cheating and infidelity but just to round-up I hope you now see that cheating can be anyone’s fault.

Like I said in the beginning – Cheating comes in different forms. It’s left to you to access and understand the reason and motive behind the individuals actions – whether is was the lady in the relationship or the guy in the relationship that cheated  –  and then make your decision from there.

Also remember that we are all human… No other comments!

Love you all. Until next week

MUAH!!!



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3 thoughts

  1. Good read, thanks for sharing! I agree that sometimes women can be too quick to point gingers at other people. Communication is super important in a relationship, which is why early on, my boyfriend and I have been really open with each other about several things so we don’t end up “wondering” later on and so far it has all been very good!

    Liked by 1 person

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